Catch 22

Sometimes the going is easy. Then someone comes and snags it. Shit. And it'll be a home truth I don't want to think about. Because I forgive myself for having weird, sometimes morbid thoughts. But I don't forgive just anybody. I know it wasn't meant to hurt, but it stabbed my heart and has left me unable to cope with the bleeding, because when it comes to matters close to the heart, coagulation eludes me. I was said very mater of factly... who knows who of you (twins) will pass first? Oh God, what a question, which was followed with another statement also said matter of factly... you do realise that one of you will attend the other's funeral. No question mark there. Just a statement. A horrible statement which is true. And I've thought about this before and pushed it not just to the back of my head but dynamited it out completely. Still, both the question and the statement holds. My answer, well I hope it will be me so that I will not have to deal with my other half's passing. But that is so selfish, especially when I know that although I might fare badly when faced with grief, he would fare worse. So do I hope it's him? That's also selfish. But there is a remote possibility that these twins a unlike as chalk and cheese will make a graceful exit, and just as we were young have two identical oak thingies to hold us. Ok it's morbid, and a fact, and a catch 22, albeit a horrible one. Hopefully we'll have Joe Demicoli to liven things up for us. That way, we'll both go off in style. Oh and we'll be both in the papers too, and I don't mean just the obituary section. We'll make front page.