Back

Tonight was funny. So many people welcoming me as a long lost friend, as if I'd landed in the country after a spell of a hundred years. And it was nice. And nice isn't even a good word for it. But so many 'knowing' people asking..'Are you back? Will you be back now?Will we see you now?'. I know what they mean. Because they know the old me, the one who'd let nothing stop her. So many compliments, in a negative sort of way. It seems I have been a loss to the nation, and those are not my words. It also seems that I have been a big loss to plenty of things. So much is big about me, I guess there are some things which are massive, and I have no intention of hiding this type of big. And it is nice to know that you are heralded as *the* girl, the only one, the girl this country has never seen like and probably will never see like. Too many things are happening fast, and boy they're nice. Again nice isn't even the word. And it makes me want to kick my big self. How could I have forgotten? But I did. And now it's all coming back. And I'm not even angry. But smiling sadistically. In the same way as I let my spirit be worn down sadistically. I could have taken one to one, this was a hundred to one. I'm not sure there ever is a forgiveness for killing someone's spirit. I am not God. Only God forgives 77 times. And it will take time for my spirit to flourish again, but I'm working on it. No I'm not even doing that, it's people who are working on it. I have suddenly bounced back again and I know some people are scared. Good, let them be scared, let them shit their pants just when loo roll manufacturers go on indefinite strike. I have wasted precious months which turned into years. All out of my life. I'm not wasting one more minute. I'm back.