Addicted

I am alive again. Perhaps because I'm one year wiser. Or perhaps because somehow we have addictive personalities. I know I do. Diet coke is my best friend. Rothmans Blue is like a sister. I stay away as much as possible from chocolate because that has been an endless love affair. And some people are the ones who breathe life into me. I feel whole again. It felt so much as if I were missing a limb, not now. I still don't have total control (what a word), and my energy will take some time to be full. But I'm getting by. Because I'm 36 and missing nothing. Not missing the hands, not missing the feel of that breath on my face, not missing the eyes, the mischief, the love (?), not missing anything at all. And I'm so grateful because my addiction is fulfilled.