Vibes

Sometimes you walk straight into a place and you instantly know you're going to be ok, because you get the welcome vibe. Other times you walk into another place and you start getting apprehensive, the way a victim feels when he spots his bullies from a mile off. At least I do. And I can do nothing about it but bear it. Not grin. Just bear it and think of all the other welcoming places. All that is ok, because you know what you're dealing with. But yet other times, you walk into a place where the vibe is mixed. At least, yet again I do. I walk into one specific place which is welcoming even before you step right into the building, given a hearty welcome, under suspicious eyes. And those eyes drill right into me and make me feel guilty... for being made welcome. I am made to feel like a monster just for the praise of not being a monster. I don't know if that makes sense. I'll try to make it make a little more sense. When you're working with little people, you do not only work with little people, but also with the other adults who also work with little people. And if you love little people they just love you back. It's instant, you don't have to work very hard for that. If you also respect little children, they will respect you back. And little people, who have less inhibitions than big people, will show their love sometimes physically; a big bear hug, a smile, a taking you by the hand, and verbally... I love you Miss. As well as all the other gifts and cards made especially for me. They go to a lot of trouble to make their cards perfect little cards and something like that makes you happy for a month. It's a great big reward and sometimes I wonder what I have done to deserve it. I have done nothing special, I have been fair, and careful not to do the mistakes some teachers have done in my past. That's it. And I don't think I'm their supreme superior, I can guide them yes, but not shout them into nothingness. That, I'm afraid, is not my style, never will be. I will appeal to them because they are my friends and if they want to be my friend then we have to respect one another. It works. So many people say some horrible things about little people, they're not what we were, and that's a good thing. I love little people who feel comfortable about my presence, who are not afraid to ask, ask, ask, I will answer, that is the least I can do. Yes I have grown to be a big old softy where little people are concerned, and this is coming from the woman who hadn't a clue as to how to say hello. But that was five years ago. Things have changed. Children can be cruel? I don't think so, not if you take the time to explain. It's almost ironic that I, a big girl in all respects get to work with people so little. And... although there is that diversity, I have never had one single problem. True, little people will never be able to make their hands meet around my waistline in giving me a hug, but oh boy do they try! So what's bad about that? Nothing, nothing and again nothing. What's bad is the constant scrutiny of eyes which make me feel bad just because I've been hugged a second ago. It's not a nice feeling, and yes I know about child abuse, but I wonder which judge will make me spend time for having been hugged. The problem is, certain people are pompous and think they not only rule their roost, but their workplace, the environment and the world. Yes that I what I think they think. They do not have a court room but create a court room vibe where they certainly are never in the dock. And it makes me wonder why. All bullies are bullies because they are being bullied themselves, they have a problem with their own identity, so why not shove it on some victim. As it is, I am no little victim, if my crime is being loved by little people, then I am guilty, very guilty. And it's probably what those eyes think, deviant little eyes. If they too are the window to the soul to whom they belong, then I don't even want to think what's inside.