Monkeys

I see a lot of uninteresting people who try to be interesting. Their resemblance to monkeys is frightening. They talk in a half pigeon English, half broken Maltese. I hate all that. Give me good old Maltese anytime. But I'd win hands down with these people in any English competition. And no, my mum, if it's the only good thing she did, never brought us up on English. I cannot even imagine myself talking in English to my parents, or to my brother. Oh God, he'd die laughing, because we just don't do it. And yet English comes as natural to me as Maltese. Probably the tons of books I have read in my lifetime, mostly good, some bad. Some screwed with my mind and still remain my favourite. Take Hardy, he screwed me with his Tess, at 11 I couldn't imagine why D'Urberville took her behind the tree and her innocence in the process. It was only when I was admitted to hospital a few months later, nothing special, on suspected appendicitis, that a surgeon spotted my property (my book) and said perhaps I was way too young to read that? But at the same time, doctors gave me a pregnancy test to rule that out. So if I was old enough for that, then I was old enough for Hardy. Then it suddenly made sense. Somehow something went wrong in my love for books. Today, we badger little people to read, read, please read. Please read and I'll buy you a computer. When I was growing up it was a stop reading, stop this bullshit reading or else. But I didn't stop. I never do. The worst thing anybody can do with yours truly is issue an ultimatum. Because I just love breaking the rules. It's exciting as a night of basic instinct with a married man. Those were my wild days. Single men? No thank you. Bring over the married ones, bored to the core, because I was young and about to rub their ego to ejaculation. So easy. And they will in turn rub your everything, eager to please. Perhaps we are all like monkeys, and some of us are quick learners and get to perform wicked tricks in the bedroom stakes. And perhaps we are really monkeys because it's all a jungle. But, I prefer to be the lioness.