If only...

This laptop of mine has proved to be the present anybody gave me. And to think I was so rude about it. I opened it, looked blankly, put it in back again, and placed it in a cupboard for it to see the dark for six long months. That is exactly the degree I go to when faced with change. It can get worse than that. I don't know why. Anyway I start becoming envious of everybody carrying their laptop and being able to be 'there' everywhere they go. And I suddenly remember that I have a hell of a laptop, which is sitting in the dark. Poor laptop. So I gingerly take it out, and try. Big failure. When you're trying something new, and your mind is subconsciously resisting it, there is no way you're winning. But I did win, and now am able to carry it like all the other people. Ok, I wish it were pink, but that doesn't sound like reason enough to buy another one. And then, another one would mean change again. No, I'm staying put with my Dell. And I'm not thinking happy things, but facts. Facts aren't always happy. Neglect. Oh God how bad that can be. It's a knife in the soul of innocent ones who hope to get better. It makes them probably scream inside, but there is nobody to hear them. They're doomed. It's the truth, I am not trying to make up the basis for a sad novel, although there would be plenty to write. The air is oppressive and it does nothing to take my mind off those people who are hoping, and hoping, the same people who finally stop hoping and vegetate because their dignity has been stripped, through neglect. And I hope the people responsible rot in hell. Because if I even had the doubt that a little person was being treated in half the same way, I'd go ahead and do something, even if it were just telling that perfect man who would instantly understand and move mountains if necessary. That same man who crops up time and time again, if only he knew what a good role model he is. But he probably doesn't know, such is his humbleness. Then I also know big men, who have no idea what humbleness means and go about with an ego so big that it becomes dangerous. But then again, the bigger the ego, the less the self esteem, or so I have heard lately. Just like bullies, they are just about beings trying to feel superior because they cannot live with the inferiority they feel. What a complex world, or perhaps we human beings make it all the more complex. Power, money, manhood, womanhood (just for it to be equal). And the less fortunate ones are under their thumb, wasting day by day. Just because there is nobody like that perfect man in this sphere. If only there were. If only...