The Fat Language

There is a secret word out there which runs ruthlessly through races, religion, cultures, gender, sexual orientation, age and everything else. It is the same for all of us, well the best of most of us. It is a word which is a noun which has been transformed into an adjective and an adverb, and we've stretched it so far as to mimic a feeling mostly of desperation and always of disapproval. It's the fat word. It's the norm now, we say, I feel fat. Pardon? Since when fat was declared a feeling? Anger is a feeling, an emotion, love is another, happy, sad. But fat? And yet it's true. We have blended in this secret word to become part and parcel of our every day life. And for some reason which I have yet to fathom out, I never hear anybody say, I feel thin. So then, thin is not a feeling, but fat, it's opposite becomes a feeling. So let's not just skim deep it. I feel fat means I feel lonely, I feel ugly, I feel rejected, I feel worthless, I feel frightened and overwhelmed. I think I'm going to beat the famous Oxford English dictionary by my numerous definitions of this, but then I've been round the block, plenty of times, and yes I consider myself to be an expert. What doesn't help? Something like us girls bonding over the hatred of our thighs. Someone like me, who with the intention of scurrying around unnoticed ends up falling and drawing even more unwanted attention. The fat language is a language which I wish I didn't know how to speak. I speak French, Italian, English and Spanish... oh and the fat language. Some people would rather be seen than heard. Some would rather be heard than seen. And some others would rather be both seen and hear. I would rather not be seen nor heard. Which is difficult when you have a job like mine. But then when you have a job like mine, it's easy to lose yourself in a surreal life where little people (they're awesome aren't they) do not speak the fat language. They speak a totally different language, take it from me, there is no f word involved. Ok so maybe sometimes there are f-words involved but only ones which have been heard from adults getting mad and which do not include fat or any part of the word. I'll stop here, I do not want to sound self loathing. That is so unattractive. I just feel locked up in a time warp. I should have been around during the Stoneage when I would have been revered as the Goddess that I am. Or at least during the 18th or 19th century when thrones of queens were made wider than those of kings... for a fat purpose. Failing that, I hope to live to see the day when big is considered beautiful again. Then I will take to my throne and live as a Queen, better still as the Goddess there is inside me. It will be my time to shine, a time to celebrate being curvy, because right now, the world's all topsy turvy.