Fairytale wrongs and rights

I'm thinking fairy tales. No, not the Eurovision kind. This time I'm thinking of real ones, some of which can be quite frightening. I hate Alice in Wonderland, the dizzy spell down the hole doesn't give me happy memories. I hated Alice, her rabbit, her everything. At 5 I didn't want to go down any hole which had never seen the sun. Now, well now that statement could take on an entirely different meaning. But I still don't like Alice's hole, someone else's, maybe. I do not like Pinocchio. I don't hate it, it's just that I don't like it. Pinocchio was a brat, and Geppetto should have forgotten all about Appogg and Sedqa and given the brat a good trashing. But no, Geppetto was too kind for that. And as a child I felt so sorry for the poor old man, I'd imagine him walking on his own, tears streaming silently down his face just because the brat he loved so much turned on him. Poor man, I'd love to meet him, sit him down, make him a cup of tea and tell him he needn't cry because I already knew how it was going to end up. And I'd tell him he might as well take a big vacation until the brat came back into his life, because I don't believe that brats change. Nobody changes. People, brats too, only develop. A leopard never changes its spots, and neither do we the rest of the so-called intelligent mammals. I also side with the witch in Hansel and Gretel. No, I'm not moved the the two in the cage. It's not fair. So there was this woman who had built her house out of sweets and sheer hard work, and these two other brats come along and begin to eat it all up. Why do we have to feel sorry for them? What if someone came along and decided to knock a bit off our porch just because he was hungry? So arrogant, you'd say he should have rung the doorbell and asked. So should have Hansel and Gretel. And what is this about simple girls wearing a shoe size of 36 that allows them to marry the prince? So that leaves me, a size 41 where? Marrying the toad? I do feel sorry for Cinderella, for having to go through all that half-sister bullying, but the fact is, we get treated the way we allow ourselves to get treated. She could have left home together with her nice network of animal friends. But of course not, Cinderella wanted to play poor me, since she knew that her shoe size would make it all well at the end. Not fair. Why a glass slipper, and why in a size 36? There goes the stereotype, ever since we're born, Cinderella was small, nobody could ever come up with a big Cinderella could they? And oh dear God, who the fuck thought it reasonable to come up with a slipper made out of glass of all things? Do we really want to wear the glass slipper and risk splinters of glass getting embedded into our poor soles? I don't. But then do I want to marry the prince who looks as gay as you can get? Noooooo. Did they really live happily every after? My guess is that Cinderella spent thousands of frustrated nights trying to work the old boy up but of course never succeeding. What about Belle? This is one exception. The only one. I applaud Belle for taking care of her dad. I think it's a girl's duty to take care of her dad who has been a wonderful dad. I also think that I would never give Gastone the time of day either. And I think she must have made a damn good sacrifice to accept living in the Beast's castle so as to protect her father. Prosit Belle. This is one fairytale where the stereotype small and little and beautiful flies out of the window. Good for the old 'ugly' woman who cast the spell on the Beast. That's the way it should always be, try and fit into the other's person's shoes for a minute. Only, this one got plenty of minutes. And Belle being always the one to give others a chance, not the one to be moved by money and machos, also gave the Beast a chance. And they lived happily ever after, Belle, her Beast turned prince, and her dad. And I believe they were the only ones who really lived happily ever after. Because justice was served. And I think Belle had a many a happy satisfied night....