Belonging

Should I feel excited about tomorrow? Yes, I should. Am I? No, not really. Why? Because some people are silent kill-joys. And that's the hardest part of it, the fact that they are silent, unobtrusive and smile as if they were your best friend. Tomorrow will be nothing as difficult in comparison to the countless things I've done in life. But somehow days like tomorrow make me feel good, excited and so so satisfied. I am not talking about the Prosit tal-programm kind of comments. If I had it my way I'd do my stuff and just scurry off before the people start coming out and go home. That is antisocial me and I don't take kindly to change. It is an actual feat for me to know that I will be getting to meet people. But I try. It doesn't come easy, but I still try. Because although I turn social in the kingdom of little people, its difficult in the kingdom of adult people and all their accumulated baggage. Tension will also run high, and I am not about to become the one who people dump their tension on. Somehow, tension is a word I can never understand because I never experience it. As antisocial as I am I do not get tense, I only get afraid in a big gathering, but never tense. I guess the music underworld helps in that respect. You get tense during your first concert, when you've done some 400 of them, they become so very normal. And I am happy to perform, but I am not happy to stay for the praise. So like my mum. And so not like my dad. I could be the ostrich which drowns its head in the ground. My dad would be the colourful peacock who struts showing off all his colours. That different. But I must keep trying. And I must keep trying to learn some lessons off the school stage. Because the world is not very different to a jungle. And yet we must belong.