Lanyards

I have a new mobile phone which I haven't befriended yet. It looks so sleek and professional, I'd say it looks almost sexy, but I haven't even had the time to have a one night stand with it, let alone develop a relationship. I'll try because it really looks as if it's worth the time. But what's eating me up is that I cannot find one decent lanyard on the island. I need a lanyard because I know what will happen, I'll start tossing my phone around in my bag which is big and which carries just about a quarter of my possessions in it. Anything you need, just open my bag and you'll find it there. I have never understood the reason for a clutch purses. They're so small, you can't fit much into them. Admittedly, they look nice, but it's something like glamour over being practical which I can understand when it comes to shoes with killer heels but not with these micro bags. Back to my lanyard. Where have they all gone? They used to be all the rage, it was just as if the whole island had been under attack and invaded by lanyards. First they came just in black, then they started to get prettier. You could get a lanyard for something like 2 Euro. Not now. It seems as if they have died a natural death. Or perhaps people got cocky (pun intended) and realised that they had plenty of staying power (pun also intended) and started using them for some DIY BDSM. I guess the leather lanyards made great whips. And I think the pretty ones were great for sexy colourful bondage. It's something like this... going into an ironmongery store and buying lengths of rope would have raised eyebrows. And anyway, thick rude rope would scare a lot of Mistresses (yet another pun) away. And would a girl really stay if she saw a proper bull whip? My guess is of course not. If I met a guy on the street, went back to his place only to find out he was brandishing real ropes and whips, I'd be out the door in a second. But lanyard material? That looks so innocent and yet it does the part quite efficiently. And you've got instant colour and variety in the bedroom... for 2 Euro. And thus, since all lanyards have vanished from the island, then do we have a very big BDSM community on our hands, all in secret and all underground? Are there many dungeons being decorated with lanyards which do the trick just as well as cuffs and stocks? My other guess is they're all white collar workers who have innocent day jobs...