I will know

I haven't done much today although I've been out for most of the day. Supermarket shopping again, and again I hate these places full of people. Now it's getting worse. Me, with my all over the place hairstyle in an alien building and I get little people calling me Miss. Noooooo I don't want that, not in such a place. Supermarkets are no place for divas, and they cramp my style. I don't want to be seen dead in there let alone alive. That's it, I'm not going anymore, I hate it too much. I will starve if I have to. But I won't so it'll be ok. Now if someone had to build a diamond supermarket, that would be different. And now I really want to go to Antwerp. I want to go to Milano so I can wear my fur in peace. I don't feel quite right, but then I haven't recovered very much yet. Why the hell does it take so long for me to recover... it must be the Gods at it again. But then I haven't been bad in the slightest, so hey Gods will you give poor me a break. It seems not. But then I won't even give myself a break. Why the hell can't I ever finish anything without going back again and again? Because I have, in my sleep, encountered one other note which will probably not make much of a difference to anybody, but myself. So I will never ever deem my school project finished because I will keep going to add another note here and another note there. Because I want it to be perfect. And I know it's not doing any good to my health. I am not sleeping very well, because notes are haunting me, making me hallucinate. Let me try and be objective, it's one of the best arrangements I have ever done to date, mostly because it has been one of the most difficult. And I objectively and secretly know it's a job very well done, it's also a job which few people, if any, could do. Even more secretly, I'm sure nobody around could actually do what I've done. Because the sleepyhead of a music teacher, roaming corridors in a likewise sleepy manner can deliver splendidly when it comes to arrangements. I may look sleepy, but I'm not. I can be as alert as my cats here. And let me be a little brazen, people have knocked on my door to buy my arrangements. It doesn't surprise me in the least, they are excellent ones. And I am secretly very pleased. But just one note will rudely open the door to my sleep, and that's it, I just have to add another one. I will keep doing it until there is no room for anymore. Then I will rest. I know nobody will ever know if there is an extra note or not. But I will know, and for some reason, although I live in mayhem clutter, my music has to be perfect. Because I will know.