Fear???

Ok so what do I do? I need a lawyer, a notary, a doctor, a shrink. And a TV station with balls. I think that should be enough. The sorry thing is that I have all five. But I still will not take the plunge. It's probably something like being the accused when you're totally innocent. You know you're at peace and you have nothing to hide, but still, you never know where it could go. I feel as if I am playing some people-Scrabble, and I wish it were that simple. Because no matter who my opponent is, I always in at Scrabble. It's a tradition, my tradition, and I cannot even start to think what it would be like had I to lose. Because I am a bad loser, terribly bad. But this is not a game, certainly not a game where I am lost for words. I could talk, talk, talk till New Year's Day and still have yet more words. I also have a fighting spirit in me somewhere, it's still dormant, but one of these days it'll become active with a vengeance. Being big just means you have more space where to hide the fighting spirit. It doesn't mean it's not there, I've just learnt to put it on hold. And it's been on hold for a long long time. But somehow I'm convinced that it still isn't the right way to go. Did I ever have angry parents? No, certainly not. Do I have an angry brother? Not at all. And is my other half an angry beast? Oh hell no. My boys are not angry boys. But what happens to me also happens to them and vice versa. And lawyers and marketeers seem to like driving a point home. I, on the other hand, just take it out on my blog, or on some cigar. But I have had enough of being told about professionals. Professionals this, professionals that. Me too then, I'm also a professional. We still eat through our mouths, and we still do our business in the smallest room in the house. Same as the poor hawker who is selling peanuts at Valletta's City Gate in the cold. But a scientific professional saying that I instill fear??? Pardon? No little person has ever been scared of me, not ever. I may be a tinge too soft, but no I am so sure I do not instill fear, definitely not in any little person. What a flipping lie. And what would science have to do with fear anyhow? Oh this is such one big scam. Because if I had my way, then someone else's job would be lost wouldn't it? So why not just say the truth instead of trying to find diverse untruths. I may be big, but somehow (and I have no idea how), it doesn't scare little people away. I am not threat to them. I may be though, for someone else who is so not little either.