Silicone

Xmas is over, but not the end of year festivities. Fine. I'm not a fan of new beginnings, because new beginnings mean change and I hate change. If I even switch something as insignificant as a chair to another place I get apprehensive. Had I to change house, I'd be hit scared. I like things the way I want them. Yet I have been toying with the idea of changing the shape of my lips. I suddenly discovered silicone and have been thinking that it must have been man's best invention ever. Until I got a very rude wake-up call, a woman's lips so disfigured by silicone that I immediately felt so sad. And I asked... done by the same surgeon I was planning to give my lips to. Now I think that same surgeon should be given to the hounds of the Baskervilles and ripped to pieces. He's made this woman's face look wickedly sick. Not even Jessica Rabbit at her worst would have looked like that. And there is no reversing it. Lesson learned, just in time. No silicone, I prefer my own lips thank you. And it seems it was a lesson of learning today. I also saw a young woman, otherwise so beautiful, unable to walk straight. And that too made her look kind of warped. So of course since I had no clue as to a surgeon I might blame, I asked the why-God? question. I still don't have an answer, and never will have. But it sure made me feel like crap. Here was I worrying about silicone, and here was this young lady having lots more to worry about. Again, here was I worrying about my extra kilos, and this young lady having to worry with something so much more real. I'm 36 and have been tested by life to the limit, and I still haven't learned anything at all. When will I learn? Tomorrow perhaps? I really don't know. But I know that silicone is out for good.

My little man

I'm not quite sure how to go about tackling this Christmas. It's going to mark an anniversary, and anniversaries are sometimes very hard to deal with. Or perhaps I am way too sentimental and that makes it hard for me. Some people seem to be able to manage it with the minimal of damage. I wish I could. And it's at times like these when the tough bitch aura suddenly dissolves into the soft woman who fell in love with a little man one year ago. I wonder what that little man is doing now. I hope he's safe, and sound asleep in a cosy bedroom. If hopes were anything to go by then I'd be ok and could go to sleep in a snap. But hopes and wishes do not always come true. That's where my dad went wrong, he made me think that all good things are possible. It was an untruth I would discover on my own, for my very self and find that it tasted very bitter in the process. Fact 1 - I love men. Fact 2 - I love older men. Fact 3 - I love little men. Fact 4 - I love one little man with a love so fierce that it hurts. And I don't mind that hurting me as long as he's safe. But is he? I don't know, I don't have a clue. And the not knowing is hard to deal with. But he promised me he'd grow up to be a good man and come and find me ... that's four more years to go. Oh God I so love my little man!

Oh pleaseeeeee!

Sometimes someone walks into your life without even asking. I guess that's ok. It's not ok when a someone walks into your life without even asking and on a mission to make you miserable. Thing is... not so fast. When you've been miserable enough to have cried until you've exhausted all your tears and slowly bounced back to life and the joy of living, well, there's not too much anybody can do to make you miserable again. So.... not so fast woman. Especially when someone with clear eyes proves my theory correct again. What is it with these people? Do they think they are a rare breed, just because colour has eluded their eyes? Why is there always a green-eyed monster lurking in there? What's their problem about my attire, my deportment? Do I look flashy? Well then sorry but I'm not sorry, I AM flashy. If bling bling is too much for these people to handle, they can just look the other way. Because I am me, and will not change for any man, or any woman for that matter. Do I dress indecently, well it depends. If I decide to step into the shower then I guess the same birthday suit would not be very appropriate elsewhere. But then I wouldn't wear my birthday suit to a whole number of places. So please, give me a break and shut up will you? And get a life while you're at it, although my guess is you don't get much action and that is your problem, not mine.

Back again

Blogspot is just like the place my mum always told me to return to when in distress, i.e. back to the nest. It's been weeks of exciting things happening, and I've really not been of much use over here. But I feel that strange feeling making its way towards me, and of course, selfishly I've come to have a psychological dump over here. Just when I thought I'd seen it all, life intervenes nicely. Problem is that no nicety on earth can be nice when you've finally taken the decision you've been struggling to take for ages. What happens now? I'm off to bed. Talk more tomorrow.